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what i may be doing wrong...

I am capable of being creepily passive-agressive at times... I think the way I make my first awkward attempts at closeness inspires girls to have this immediate reaction, sort of "Uh oh, he's approaching me that way. If I don't like him, it's not going to be easy to discourage him"... She thinks to herself "Now, there is an awkward moment in my future, when I will have to tell him in no uncertain terms, that I am not interested; until that time he will not get any hints, he will not back off, and there will always be that simplistic smile, where he doesn't get upset at the slight setbacks I will put in his path to try to hint that it leads to a dead end." I have this way of subconsciously trying to make saying "no" annoying enough that they'll end up saying yes once.

I need new mannerisms. New assertivity. New speech patterns. New power to express myself. 'Cause I'm not going to put anyone through that wringer again, I promise.


Gah, I can't even apologize for this tendency without making it worse. There's always that thought in the back of my head, "Make her like me, make her like me, make her like me." And it colors my perceptions of everything I say, if not hers.

I wonder if this feeling is more paranoia, or if it's insight.

Gah! And so of course I ask my LJ friends so very coyly for absolution. No, not even subtle, looking back on it.

It's one step from going on LJ and saying "Boy, I sure suck, don't I!" And waiting for the comments to pour in. And I'm making it worse step by step. I should just turn this into performance art, it's turning comical. "Oh, no, Chris, you're not being passive-aggressive, look over at foo! That's passive-aggressive, you're just being [paranoid, sensitive, unfair] about the whole thing."

So what's the deal with LJ if every time I complain I'm going to feel like I'm fishing for compliments? Maybe I could turn off comments on my entries. That might make it feel better.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
awfief
Jan. 1st, 2002 06:39 pm (UTC)
nah, you just need to get better friends.

Just kidding.

I promise I won't compliment you.

Seriously, though. It's hard to say what attracts people to others. I mean, you're the nicest guy I know, and it's not like nice guys don't get girlfriends (or boyfriends, but you don't swing that way AFAIK so I'll keep it heterosexual). I like passionate guys, but you're passionate, I just don't really care for comix and stuff, the things that are your passion too.

Why don't more chicks wanna hop in bed with you? Perhaps you should be more direct. I mean, women are taught to be shy and modest. I know I surprise people when I'm aggressive. So maybe you're being shy and she's (the typical "she" not anyone in particular) and she eventually decides that, since you haven't done anything yet, it's not gonna happen, only she decides that subconsciously. or something. So yah, just do it. Ask a girl, "Can I kiss you?" after a few hours, and see where it goes. Maybe she'll slap you, or maybe she'll allow you.
plymouth
Jan. 2nd, 2002 06:37 am (UTC)
LJ isn't necessarily fishing for compliments. plenty of times I make "I suck" entries and don't get any comments. and even when I do it doesn't really make me feel better anyway, so I try to make my "I suck" entries seem less like I am even asking for comments because it is just a waste. I try to save my asking for comments for when I really want advice as opposed to just ego-stroking.

I honestly don't know how to tell you how to get chicks. funny, someone asked me that at one of the parties this weekend and I told her to refer to people who actually go after chicks. so she asked my cute boy (I use the term 'my' extremely loosely). he says he waits for cute chicks to go after him. later the same person asked me how I get cute boys. I still didn't know what to tell her. I think it's magic. And the spell is kindof like an SEP field - you have to keep not looking at the thing in order to see it, catch it out of the corner of your eye, make it deliberate but look completely accidental. Something like that. Watch the xta become vague and incoherent. Um. Rats. I keep trying to figure out how cute people are acquired but I think the mystery is half the fun. Unfortunately that doesn't help you.
visage
Jan. 3rd, 2002 11:04 am (UTC)
Certainly this:

> There's always that thought in the back of my head, "Make her like me, make her like me, make her like me." And it colors my perceptions of everything I say, if not hers.

strikes me as something to get a handle on in improving things... there's a lot of truth to the idea of "trying too hard."

Of course, that sort of contradicts the advice that awfief gives above. =)

But the deeper message is the same... I think more of "just relax and see where things go" and she thinks more of "just do what you want and find out if they want you to do that"... either way, it's about being more natural.

...not that I've actually seen you in person enough over the past decade to actually see how you act in general...
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )