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hmm...

I've gotten to the point where I can't really write in here anymore...

I woke up tired today and had a reasonably good day... Had some intriguing conversations early, and some difficult conversations late, and a bunch of time wasting in the middle. Thought about money, and love, and life at different points in the day.

Got to see a friend's reaction to a couple of really funny DVN songs.

I think I've figured out that I really am as boring as I thought I was; trying to go "above" that just failed... I think I should be happy with that, though. I was just getting swept up in some currents that ran near where my life's path took me. I didn't get swept away, really, though, and that's a bit of a win, looking back on it.

Friday night some interesting stuff happened, and I confused myself a bit. But it's all good.

Two things I now believe in... patience, and no sharing. This simplifies things greatly, as I know I need them.

Good conversations are good, though. "Comprehension dawns," that should be my new motto.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
chaiya
Feb. 18th, 2002 12:20 am (UTC)
I think I've figured out that I really am as boring as I thought I was

Um, WTF? I never thought you were boring, personally - I recently told Luke that I thought you are one of my friends who is well-matched to my sense of humor, and I really enjoy your wit. I have had boring friends. My friend Z is boring, for example. He only talks about himself, and he repeats stories as soon as someone new joins the audience, and we can never get him to shut up and he rarely knows what he's talking about unless the topic is his life or computer stuff. That's not you. (And lest Ari read this and get neurotic, it's not him either. :P ).

Do you want me to stop reading your journal? I can do that, if you want. It sounds like you don't want to share deep bits of yourself anymore because you're afraid of regretting people reading your words, and it sounds specifically like you don't want me to know what you're thinking. Maybe that's just me being self-centered and stuff, but if this is true in any particle, PLEASE just let me know. I don't want you to stop writing in LJ. I think that this is a really good tool for you. And I think you need to not be so chickenshit about sharing yourself, in general. If I stop reading your journal, will you stop being so afraid? There's really nothing to be afraid *of*, honest.

And if all else fails, write private entries. Take people off your friend list. But keep writing.
crs
Feb. 18th, 2002 07:53 am (UTC)
Well, when I said "boring" what I meant was, um, vanilla, I guess? I don't know. Or maybe clueless. :) You don't need to assume I'm always talking about you here, either, by the way... A lot of weirdness has happened this weekend.

I don't want anyone to stop reading my journal, I guess what I don't want to do is write things down that won't be true an hour later... And right now my mind is in some serious flux.

I want too many different mutually incompatible things from life right now... If I don't pick one I'll keep pulling in all different directions and will end up going nowhere. I've been letting brownian motion carry me, where the current of the moment sweeps me up and I follow it as far as I can, but that's no way to actually get anywhere.

Whee, talking about everything metaphorically leaves the comment without any substance. Yay.

Some things should go in email, though, not here. Suffice it to say that until I settle down a bit and make up my mind somehow, anything I say here is likely to be an ephemeral thought, a thought of the moment.
plymouth
Feb. 18th, 2002 08:08 am (UTC)
I don't want anyone to stop reading my journal, I guess what I don't want to do is write things down that won't be true an hour later... I want too many different mutually incompatible things from life right now...

I know that I certainly find it more useful to write down *both* things as opposed to *neither*. Life contains many inherent contradictions. Sometimes writing in LJ even helps me come to terms with them by virtue of letting me organize my thoughts.
chaiya
Feb. 18th, 2002 12:31 pm (UTC)
Some things should go in email, though, not here

This, from the guy who said that the point of LJ was to put it all out there in honesty? What happened to the "cold dead fish" graphic? *laugh*

In general, I would hope that you keep constantly changing. Being in flux is a good thing, assuming that you learn from it. :) Builds character.
tikva
Feb. 18th, 2002 04:09 pm (UTC)
I apologize if I have contributed to your confusion in any way. I really didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Meep. *hides*

(of course, it's possible none of this has to do with me :)

If you need to talk anything out, let me know.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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crs
just a guy made of dots and lines
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