December 1st, 2003

vertigo

Using Zephyr

I've been reliant on the messaging system from school since ... well, since Freshman year, I think. Reliant on it for an ego boost, for occasional comfort, for some affirmation. It's my community, and I feel a need to be there. All the time. I feel lonely, I look at the screen. I feel tired, I look at the screen.

I need to get off of it. Slowly or quickly, I need to learn to affirm myself, and to find some other way to deal with short-term hangups at work. I hit a snag, and I want to let it mull over in my brain, I go to zephyr, I start up solitaire, or I go to a website. I need to learn to take a walk, or think about a different project at work, or something. I have a lot of different things to be doing, I'm not sure how much idle time is really appropriate for rest, distraction, or emotional wanking.

In my first job, I went too far, allowing the distractions to take over, and since no one ever called me on any of it, I just assumed it was appropriate. I never had anything to rein me in. Now I am in the position of needing some direction, someone to tell me what I'm doing is all right... Or someone to say "stop that, focus more." One or the other.

I don't know if I have the judgment within me. But I think I've gotten a better at it over the years. But it's time to take a very deep look at why I do this Zephyr thing. What does it get me? I get some flirting in... I get to answer technical questions... I ask questions about tech toys; cell phones, laptops, whatever cool thing I'm shopping for at the moment. Going to Amazon, pricing out this or that. Going to Dell, going to Apple, pricing out a laptop... mmm...

I get a little boost from these things. Need 'em. Do I?
  • Current Mood
    gloomy gloomy
grump

carelessness

Dammit. I left my Clié on the plane from Newark. Hopefully it'll pop up at Continental in the next week or so. It was so close to being the perfect trip, too.
  • Current Mood
    irritated irritated
arthur

laptop happiness

Wow. I swapped the plug dongle out on my laptop power adapter... and suddenly it's charging perfectly. The little light is on the whole time, I don't have to wiggle the plug, nothing like that.

Such a liberating feeling. I don't have to be thinking about replacing the laptop before it dies completely, after all. I can save up over time, and get something really quite nice after, y'know, 8-10 months of saving $250/mo. I should really be doing everything I can right now to save money, but here I am in my own apartment, instead of living with my parents. But it's for the best.

With the laptop working again, feeling solid and dependable, I don't even feel that bad having lost the Clié on the airplane. It's just so nice.
  • Current Mood
    content content