January 4th, 2003


tick. tock.

And I'm starting to realize that part of what's going on is that I do have one of those biological clock thingies, and it's going off something fierce. Gah. What's to be done about such a thing? I don't know, but when you start reacting to your parents' attempts to set you up with complete strangers in a town a thousand miles away with less than immediate contempt, you know something's wrong.

I've definitely gotten to the point in my life where I'm evaulating things in a different way, looking at possibilities, trying to get dates, that kind of thing, based on different kinds of compatibilities. Does she like kids? How tied to this city is she? Other places? Blah blah blah, I'm utterly transparent and... shallow, but in a different way.

It doesn't help that I still can't shake the feeling that everything I do has some selfish motive behind it. I would resolve to be more altruistic in the new year, but I think that would just be another ploy. Well, it would feel like it, anyway.

And I really feel like I don't know how to interact with people anymore. Like somehow I got those routines replaced with something that just gives status of my job search. I've got other things going on in my life... I should work on them to make them into something I can talk about in terms other than "I should work on them."

I've been given this blessing (mixed blessing, but blessing nonetheless) of time off to do whatever I want with... and I'm frittering it away. I suppose in some ways, decompressing has been good for whatever job I will end up with, I'll be totally ready to focus and be utterly dedicated... but I can't help but think I could be doing more with this time.

I guess this post is wildly diverging because I haven't been posting enough. I should fix that, too.
  • Current Music
    "Hello, Goodbye," The Beatles