August 28th, 2002


the dust settles...

...and all that's left in the early hours of the morning is the loneliness and the realization that I still haven't the first clue how to go about with a relationship.

Back to square, um, 5. I get the message - I should count the positive things I have in my life and be grateful. Thanks.

Right now I'm feeling like I'm too lazy to do the really social things that make new connections possible. I've been fatigued on a social level for so long now, it makes me tired to interact with new people, or to be patient with ... much of anything. I'm such an impatient, hurried person these days. I want it all, and I want it now, and I don't have the energy to drag myself from point A to point B. Please deliver to my front doorstep.

Doesn't help that it's 6am and I can't get back to sleep. That's sure to make me feel doomed to tiredness. It's at times like these that I feel like I'll always be tired, and nothing is going to change that.

I'm getting better at remembering otherwise, though. Possibly thanks to my keeping a journal and just having written things down... Time had been falling past me at a faster and faster rate, falling through my fingers, but by writing things down, I have gotten a little bit of a grip on events and have started to make the speed at which things happen a little more bearable.

And while everything zips by so fast, it still feels so slow and painstaking to do anything... So tiring. That's the fatigue talking again. Definitely time to try to get more sleep before work.
  • Current Mood
    tired tired