August 24th, 2002


when, exactly...

did I decide that the world owed me a free ride? When did I figure that I could just coast along, and do the bare minimum (or less, sometimes), and get away with whatever I pleased? This rosy world has shattered, and in its place is a stark, grey, place, with accountability and responsibility.

I needed to come here eventually. Why didn't college serve as a wakeup call to this?

Now I need to step back, look at what I have done, and what I haven't, and figure out what I need to do to make it right.

Fortune favors hard workers. Me? I just gave up any claim I had on anything like providence or fortune.
  • Current Music
    "General Taylor," Great Big Sea
elan montage

a waste

I have squandered all the gifts given to me in this life... Caring parents, a sharp brain, sharp eyes, nimble fingers, and a free education. I could have been something, if I had only reached out and taken it.

Instead, here I am, a person with no discipline, no ability, and just charm to get me by... Who knew? I never thought of myself as charming, and maybe that's how I do it. But it's through friendships and subconscious conniving that I gain people's confidences, and...

I don't know. At least some things are unconditional.

But this is the worst that I have ever felt.
  • Current Music
    "Brian Wilson," Barenaked Ladies