August 22nd, 2002



Thinking about that fortune cookie post... It made me realize. I probably don't have much of a reputation for being forward at all. Because I'm not. I'm downright timid. And I'm floating on the edge of friendship with a few different attractive girls, all of whom I can speak my mind to, mostly. I will occasionally mention to them how I've become disturbed recently that all my interactions lately feel like they've got one goal, to try to find a relationship, an SO, some kind of sexy connection thing.

It's a paradoxical admission, isn't it? I'm sitting there admitting this thing, and I can't even tell if it's because it's good to talk about, to talk through with someone who has a useful perspective on things, or if it's because I want to look sensitive and interesting and attractive. Or both.

To my credit, I haven't broached the subject with any of them; to some extent, I'm afraid to try to sleep with a friend now, because it will mean that it's not really friendship, that everything up to that point is invalidated by ulterior motives. How do I get out of this mental trap? How did I in March? Did I actually subconsciouly only allow myself to ask out a girl I already knew I had trouble communicating with? (making the promise "as long as we talk about everything, it will be good, right?")
  • Current Music
    "Tron Scherzo," Wendy Carlos

insanity effects

In other news, the game I'm playing lately has "insanity effects" including, at one point, fake bugs crawling on the tv screen. Last night as I was logged on in bed, in the dark, I saw a huge mosquito fly past, twice, and kinda jumped both times, ran, turned on the light, and saw nothing. I had trouble falling asleep for a while after that, and when I finally woke up this morning, nothing bad seems to have happened... no bites, no nothing. Maybe the mosquito was just another insanity effect. :) That's what comes of playing Eternal Darkness right before bed.

Gonna go see Gigantic with folks tonight if I can get tickets. MFA, here I come.

*wills shower to become available* Hmm, maybe I'll start a laundry load and play some of the game while I wait for the shower... Or code some.
  • Current Music
    "The Wall," Kansas
elan montage

haiku by clyde

picture yourself on
any girls. I consider
that unlikely though.

Clyde can be a mean bastard at times :) And all after I was so good to seed him with a chunk of Beatles lyrics!
  • Current Mood
    silly silly