January 6th, 2002

elan montage

i can't fight this feeling

(oogachocka ooga ooga oogachocka ooga ooga)

I'm starting to get the feeling I'm sabotaging myself with this journal. Any one of the possibilities I'm pursuing right now could read any of this and go "Wow." and run off.

Someone recognize me as a martyr! Revere my selfless baring of whatever it is I'm doing here and put my journal in the NY Times Best-seller list or something.

Geez. That's dumb. So I let things out. What's so honorable about that? I deserve what derision I get; certainly if I'm subconsciously doing it for praise. Praise for being honest about being unpraiseworthy. That's really quite funny, if only to me at this moment.

There's no graceful way to stop this. I could just up and delete the whole journal, I suppose, but then wouldn't that potentially be calculated for maximal effect? I feel sick to my stomach thinking about trying not to think about the issues here.

I should just go back to quoting movies and lyrics and synthesizing my self from pop culture. Well, underground pop culture, anyway. :)

Enh, I'm too tired to edit this down to not suck.
  • Current Music
    "In Your Eyes," Peter Gabriel
elan montage

finally, a ray of simplicity

Something easy to just look at and smile about. I've been chosen to beta test the D&D Master Tools! Hmm, I hope mentioning that here doesn't break the NDA they say they'll want me to sign.

Gah! Nothing is easy anymore! Screw it!
  • Current Music
    "The Freshmen," The Verve Pipe