just a guy made of dots and lines (crs) wrote,
just a guy made of dots and lines
crs

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disappointment

The fair was okay. I hadn't thought that parking would be as annoying as it was, and I got to see many, um, odd things... It was the Fetish Flea Fair, or some such, and it was just kinda funny. And I, of course, got that "outsider" feeling, like I didn't have much reason to be looking at this stuff, since there was no one to, um, share the stuff with. I felt like anyone could detect my chronic singleness by just looking at me, and so I ended up just looking in lots of the shops from the outside.

I got to dress up a little though... Funky purple "universe" shirt with blue blazer, I stuck out like a sore thumb in that crowd. I think that worked well, at least. :) And I got to see a bunch of friends... And then it came time to go to the party. I got to do the martyr thing, waiting in line early for the shuttle to the auxiliary parking, getting my car, and getting everyone to their cars. I got some nice hugs for that but I can't help but think it was just the only way I could distinguish myself...

It wasn't so much a feeling of being rejected tonight, so much as just feeling like I was not "one of them"... At least, at the first party I went to it was very much like that; I didn't know how to interact with this kind of crowd. I think it was partially that I was awkward, to some extent it was that people knew I wasn't a person to casually hang out without creating links... So trying to fit in was hard, and I ended up being separate a lot.

Again, the stupid martyr thing kicked in... although it was fun, at least :) I made pasta out of the dough they had ready to be made into pasta. I gotta break out my pasta maker sometime and make my own homemade stuff. Though I don't know if it'll ever be so much fun making pasta again, I can hope. Sometimes I think maybe I should look into a career in cooking, if this computer stuff doesn't work out.

But anyway, I got to save the day and let the hostess try on some cool dresses that had been brought back from the fair... Lots of people trying on other people's clothes at that party. Mmm... Then dinner was served, and I gave people rides to the next party, back in Somerville.

At this point I was in kind of a down mood, having witness lots of people having more fun and play than I've ever seen, having had a couple of attempts at just minor skritches or backrubs rebuked... So I thought the next party would be a pickup, having been invited by Christy, she specifically asked me to be there.

So I get there, like three hours in, and no Christy. And a couple of justfriends were there, and it was just more grey clouds on my day, and I had a headache from the people smoking out in front of the fair waiting for the shuttle to aux parking, and I just couldn't get into it. Just not what I was expecting.

At this point I needed a pick-me-up... Eh, more later. It did turn out ok, just nowhere near as well as I would have liked. And some questions remain on my mind, like, do I really belong in that social circle? Probably not. I should mind my place, or something. Get to my proper niche.

And get a backrub. Professional Massage, or something. Just from the tension or whatever that is.
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