I've been reliant on the messaging system from school since ... well, since Freshman year, I think. Reliant on it for an ego boost, for occasional comfort, for some affirmation. It's my community, and I feel a need to be there. All the time. I feel lonely, I look at the screen. I feel tired, I look at the screen.

I need to get off of it. Slowly or quickly, I need to learn to affirm myself, and to find some other way to deal with short-term hangups at work. I hit a snag, and I want to let it mull over in my brain, I go to zephyr, I start up solitaire, or I go to a website. I need to learn to take a walk, or think about a different project at work, or something. I have a lot of different things to be doing, I'm not sure how much idle time is really appropriate for rest, distraction, or emotional wanking.

In my first job, I went too far, allowing the distractions to take over, and since no one ever called me on any of it, I just assumed it was appropriate. I never had anything to rein me in. Now I am in the position of needing some direction, someone to tell me what I'm doing is all right... Or someone to say "stop that, focus more." One or the other.

I don't know if I have the judgment within me. But I think I've gotten a better at it over the years. But it's time to take a very deep look at why I do this Zephyr thing. What does it get me? I get some flirting in... I get to answer technical questions... I ask questions about tech toys; cell phones, laptops, whatever cool thing I'm shopping for at the moment. Going to Amazon, pricing out this or that. Going to Dell, going to Apple, pricing out a laptop... mmm...

I get a little boost from these things. Need 'em. Do I?