We talked about "big 'off-limits' signs floating over other people's heads" on zephyr this morning. I think that this reflex kicks in way too inconsistently for me. Or maybe too late. I can drool after people all I want from a distance... get too close and then suddenly something kicks in that says "no, wait, this is wrong..." It's getting so that availability/unattachedness is becoming a very attractive trait to me, subconsciously... this stemming from a desire to avoid that feeling later on in the process.
I don't know. Someone asked me what I want in a relationship recently, what 'dating' even is, to me, and I still haven't been able to answer... Haven't even begun to answer, at that. It's like I just read from a script when it comes to that...
I guess I want to take someone to a movie and dinner. Have fun with them, have them decide I'm lots of fun, and have them start to want to do things with me. I want to be propositioned. I want the person to start trying to spend time with me as much as I try to spend time with her. I want it to grow from there.
Clearly I need to get in shape. I'm fun but not sexy, that makes dates all squish into the same form. Especially since I'm so passive that sometimes I even find myself afraid to seem interested... I wonder where that comes from. I said online recently that I need to work on getting slapped more often. This actually was meant to counteract my problem with being too passive. I could be more right than I think there... Plus, hey, getting slapped can be cool too, on its own merits ;)
As for music, I'm thinking "Going Through the Motions," from "Once More, With Feeling," the Buffy musical episode, and "Stupid American" by Eddie from Ohio.