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fingernails in floorboards

I'm so frightened of moving out of town. It'll be cutting off such a huge part of myself, to go back to that place where I was a frightened little child... To leave behind my countless friends and acquaintences, the social support structures that are in place here. The games. The hope.

It'll be desolate, it'll be a dry wasteland of people I can't relate to, people who joke about Iraqis changing light bulbs. I'm going to go there and be lonelier than I have been in eleven years, including the times I was so lonely I listened to one song on infinite repeat and cried myself to sleep. I'm going to go back after graduation, living alone in that apartment of my own, having my life crumble around me and no one to complain about it.

Alternatively it could be the exact opposite of that. I may hope to never find out.

Tonight there was an open house at InterSystems. It changed my whole outlook on this thing. This afternoon the job market was a desolate wasteland, and there was a beacon of hope in Minnesota, rising out of the mud to save me. Now there's a job that would be excellent for me, right here in town, at One Memorial Drive, no less. It's a better fit than ciber would be, and... well, they say they don't move very fast on job offers. I asked them to try to hurry, and I can try to delay these other guys, but... I don't know how this is going to work.

Do I have the guts to tell ciber "not now, maybe next time around"? They know I'm good, am I worth that much to them? How strong is my position here?


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 3rd, 2003 09:51 pm (UTC)
We'll still be here and there is nothing stoping you from coming back.

Apr. 3rd, 2003 09:58 pm (UTC)
When's the deadline for accepting the Minnesota offer? If nothing else, the short schedule for moving might be an issue - maybe you can delay? Don't settle for something just because you think it's all you're worth. (I don't know which job would be settling - probably neither - but remember that if you get an offer from some place, you ARE good enough for it. You don't need to feel like you're not worthy to stay in Boston or whatever.)
Apr. 3rd, 2003 10:22 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah, and what Cat said. I mean, I'm banking on the assumption that I can move back to Boston in five years and there will still be fragments of my world left...
Apr. 4th, 2003 04:23 am (UTC)
Definitely. I moved back (well, sort of. southern NH is almost Boston and I know I could easily adjust my focus south) after being away for 5 years. Many of my friends are still around and I'm back on the lists for parties and such. You don't have to worry about this world dissappearing on you.

I think, if you're pretty sure there's not a job coming along in Boston and you'll like the one that's away, you should try it. You can always move back in a year or two, when you have the option of finding a job while actively getting paid out there. Plus, you'll probably be the big fish in the small pond and get more wow-factor out of your work out there. :)
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )