just a guy made of dots and lines (crs) wrote,
just a guy made of dots and lines

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fingernails in floorboards

I'm so frightened of moving out of town. It'll be cutting off such a huge part of myself, to go back to that place where I was a frightened little child... To leave behind my countless friends and acquaintences, the social support structures that are in place here. The games. The hope.

It'll be desolate, it'll be a dry wasteland of people I can't relate to, people who joke about Iraqis changing light bulbs. I'm going to go there and be lonelier than I have been in eleven years, including the times I was so lonely I listened to one song on infinite repeat and cried myself to sleep. I'm going to go back after graduation, living alone in that apartment of my own, having my life crumble around me and no one to complain about it.

Alternatively it could be the exact opposite of that. I may hope to never find out.

Tonight there was an open house at InterSystems. It changed my whole outlook on this thing. This afternoon the job market was a desolate wasteland, and there was a beacon of hope in Minnesota, rising out of the mud to save me. Now there's a job that would be excellent for me, right here in town, at One Memorial Drive, no less. It's a better fit than ciber would be, and... well, they say they don't move very fast on job offers. I asked them to try to hurry, and I can try to delay these other guys, but... I don't know how this is going to work.

Do I have the guts to tell ciber "not now, maybe next time around"? They know I'm good, am I worth that much to them? How strong is my position here?

  • (no subject)

    I might start poking my head in over at Dreamwidth. Same name.

  • What's up?

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