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plaid

What happens when a chameleon tries to go plaid?

It's not a conscious effort, I just change to fit in with whoever I'm with. Last night, I hung out with two very different people, and I changed in between, pretty seriously. And then I hung out with both those people at the same time, and *creeeeak* it stretched me out... I said a lot of noncommital stuff, and really just kind of lost it.

And I realized that I'm nothing more than a liar... I try to maneuver myself, to be liked as much as possible by whoever I'm with. Except for a very few friends who get to see me surly and annoyed. Or everyone else when I get overloaded and lose it. I guess the people I like most are the ones I have to work least to adjust to, at least that's my current theory.

So where do I go from here? How do I stop adjusting to whoever I'm around?

Maybe the right answer is to find someone else who does that, and then just slide all across the landscape of personalities with her as we feedback off each other. I only know one such person, and I'm too late there :) I wonder if that would be healthy or wrong.

Nah, what I really need to do is, um, get a personality of my own. Is that why I want an SO? To just be able to settle on one single personality? Am I afraid of "locking myself down", becoming something only some people will like, and other people (*gasp*) won't like?

On the other hand, I don't even know where to begin... I'm reactive in conversations, reactive in pretty much any situation.

Also, the idea of settling into some set of opinions seems somehow wrong... Minds must be open for the truth to be found. Truth. Huh. Whatever.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
tikva
Feb. 20th, 2002 07:12 am (UTC)
I don't think you're a liar. Did you not tell the truth? People tend to have different sides to themselves, and I don't think that's unusual or wrong. No one's going to see all of you at once. You wouldn't be physically naked in public; why would you be emotionally naked?

I think that if you just do what comes naturally, you will be liked plenty. Possibly even by yourself. :) I could go on for a while about the likeable things about you, but I'm sure you don't want that. *hee*

Personally, I think you're more honest than most people in a lot of ways. And that's a good thing.

I am sorry for having contributed to your discomfort. I'll stay out of the way until you're feeling better.

Take care. *hugs*

chaiya
Feb. 20th, 2002 07:23 am (UTC)
I try to maneuver myself, to be liked as much as possible by whoever I'm with. Except for a very few friends who get to see me surly and annoyed.

Silly bunny. That would imply that your natural state is surly and annoyed. I'm pretty sure that's not true -- after all, I try to encourage you to be whoever and whatever you want to be, and I've never seen you surly and annoyed. *grin*

Everyone adjusts to who they're around at the time. It's occasionally disconcerting, but that doesn't mean it's wrong or bad. For example, you tend to bring out my bouncier side. I get giddy with laughter more often around you. That's not a "false me" -- I like being a sunshiney person. It's part of who I am. But I am also sometimes very depressed and angry and bitchy. I just don't tend to be that way around you.

I do think that you worry a little strangely about what other people think of you. I mean, you talk about wanting everyone to like you and changing to accomplish that and yet you post about the cold dead fish! You're yourself, hon. Accept it.
chaiya
Feb. 20th, 2002 07:29 am (UTC)
And another thing!
And SOs don't grow on trees. Stop thinking that an SO will suddenly appear if you're perfect. Sometimes the most wonderful people don't end up finding an SO. My current theory (borrowed from Cee & Moominmolly) is that you meet multiple people in your life who could end up being great partners for you. Thing is, sometimes they're not in the right place or you're not in the right mood or whathaveyou. I think that explains a number of my past relationships, actually. I've been getting better and better about dating people who would be great long-term partners for me, but sometimes we're just not in the right place at the right time, and outside factors kick in.

People who *do* tend to attract SOs more often are those who're happy, don't seem to *need* someone else to complete them, and can involve themselves in their own lives.

And when none of this makes you feel any better, remember that it was *YOU* who turned *ME* down! Okay? *smile* I may think it's the right decision now, but at the time ...
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )